25.6.09
funny thing
The recession did a funny thing to me. Somewhere inside the internal gears of my clock changed rhythm, switched up and skipped a beat. The timing of the global meltdown coincided with the approach of bouncing baby boy number 4. i took stock and realized that i will never have enough money working a job and as a full-time working mom i had neither enough money nor time and felt that those precious moments were too often stolen by the demands of working for someone else. i accepted a truth that i had far too long tried to quiet in my mind...the truth that time was a far more precious commodity, too dear for the compromise. i still grapple with transforming my definition of success but i realized that my real passion in life was not pleasing clients but in harnessing my creative power and potential in positive life-changing endeavours both at home and abroad...The commitment to the purity of that pursuit is sure to be met with challenge, i have found in life anything worth doing is. i believe that my destiny is blessed that opportunity before me is limitless and i claim that, demand that and invite you to take that journey with me.
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4 comments:
GM - I have no idea where you find the time...but you should be working on your 12th book!!! You write beautifully.
awww thanks lara...your encouragement is so precious to me...tell the truth the writing thing i have been doing since i could write it is just the way i'm wired and it means so much to me when it actually touches people especially since i do it professionally so much of the paying work is focused on things that really don't necessarily strike a chord...abundant love, g.
Gina,
A similar thing happened to me but with:
* only one child, a mother living with us, my husband writing a screenplay (and working full time), 2 step-children (one who loathes me), my Father-In Law living upstairs, my Nanny/Grandma Fatwa and a burning desire to be creative and still make more money...
The opposite happened. I know how to work - I don't know how to mother. I know how to hustle dollars - I don't know how to be a Mom. So I went back to work after 14 months.
We make decisions to make others happy all the time. My real issue was in, as you say, redifining my definition of success. Could I be both a Mom and a career woman? Turns out that all the "help" in my life came to support the Mom part of me and not the career side. So when the world showed up to run my house...I ran away to run my career. At least I know how to do this part.
side effect...I feel like I am not the "mother" of my child, that the Nanny, the Grandma are the caregivers and not me. Sad but true. Now I have a shrink who is working with me on this and assures me that she knows I'm her Mom.
it's hard either way you cut it babe!
xoxoxo
t
Wow towa...thanks for sharing that was so honest and real and that's what this space is all about. You're absolutely right it IS tough no matter what path you're on. I think it is so important to remember that there is no one "right" way to do this thing that works for all mothers or children.
You are soooo blessed to have "all the help in the world" on your journey. I know it's oft overused but so true - it does take a village...squeeze the lil + not so lil ones for me...thanks for sharing can't wait to hear what you are doing "out there" in that world ; >
respect + 1 love, g.
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