the REAL secret of all mommies

The real secret of all mommies is that sometimes there isn’t enough of us to go around for everyone all at the same time.

Yes! Mothers do have an unexplainable unconditional undying unwavering love for their children. That love inspires us to go the extra long mile even after sleepless nights, wade through every fluid excretion known to man, woman and child and helps us find our way to greater resilience and resourcefulness. I like to think that this comes not from me - because that would just be way too much responsibility for one mom. But rather, it comes from love, the divine way we were created and the love that my children inspire in me. I feel that my role as a mother + daughter has taught me more about love - real love - than any other in my life.

However, and yes here it comes, we don’t won’t can’t always do that with a smile on our faces and a bounce in our step. That too is a valuable relevant lesson for our children to learn. Moms are people too.

One of the really important things that a mom has to teach her children is that they exist as 1 individual that is part of a wider community. At home that community is their siblings and family. Outside of the home that can be a classroom, a team, a pack, a club or a group of friends. Understanding that goes a long way to combating this pervasive sense entitlement that seems to plague society, that feeling that I want it therefore I must have it.

The lesson is also relevant for children as it sets realistic expectations and examples of how to manage other people’s expectations of them. Understanding that no one person can possibly be all things to all people all the time can go a long way to informing their expectations of other people. Understanding that love inspires the desire to be all things all the time to those very special loved ones and while we may not always be able to be there, we always have the desire to do so.

Understanding what people REALLY need from us is very important. Sometimes what we give out of habit and reflex may actually be damaging and a greater lesson can be learned and greater love given by giving people what they really NEED. Sometimes people feel they need ALL of us when what they really need is a listening ear, a word of encouragement and a warm whole-hearted hug. You may, by giving them “less”, provide them with the opportunity to learn that there is an even greater potential, power and strength within themselves. I know sometimes it is really painful to watch those we love going through challenging and watching our children stumbling through acquiring new skills but sometimes allowing them to fall is a more valuable and lasting way to learn the lesson than preventing the fall.

Also of value is the understanding that investing in one’s own peace of mind is a key element and foundation to being able to give and give more wholly to those we love. But that’s probably a whole different post altogether.